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Name of Assembly: United Apostolic Church  
Type of service: Bible Study
Date: November 2, 2021
Lesson: GUARDRAILS in FRIENDSHIPS  
Scripture Text: Ephesians 5:15-21

“15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, 16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. 18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” – Ephesians 5:15-21.

 “15-16 So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to. 18 Don’t drink too much wine, for many evils lie along that path; be filled instead with the Holy Spirit and controlled by him. 19 Talk with each other much about the Lord, quoting psalms and hymns and singing sacred songs, making music in your hearts to the Lord. 20 Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Honor Christ by submitting to each other.” – Ephesians 5:15-21 (TMB)

 

GUARDRAILS in FRIENDSHIPS 
 
FRIENDS are one of the biggest influences on where we draw our lines!

You will always be around people who are moving in the opposite direction, and you need to be very careful, because friends (i.e. close proximity people) always influence the direction and quality of your life!

The thing that makes friendship so great is also the thing that makes friendship so dangerous. We're all repelled by rejection and attracted by acceptance, so when we're around friends who accept us, we drop our guard! It's then that we are the most open to influence - because ACCEPTANCE LEADS TO INFLUENCE.

Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise (PROMISE): but a companion of fools shall be destroyed (WARNING).

  • WISE PEOPLE are CAREFUL about obeying God’s laws.
  • FOOLISH PEOPLE are CARELESS about obeying God’s laws.
  • WISE PEOPLE understand that all of life is CONNECTED (no isolated incidents), so they make decisions based on TOMORROW.
  • FOOLISH PEOPLE believe that all of life is DISCONNECTED (all isolated incidents), so they make decisions based only on TODAY.
  • Wisdom is contagious, but foolishness is not – notice the difference! However, the COMPANION of fools shall be destroyed (like getting hit with shrapnel from the destruction of their life). “But I'll never do what they do, so I'm safe" - Solomon says you're absolutely wrong!
  • Friends who are not concerned about THEIR life (marriage, finances, reputation, etc.) are not going to be concerned about YOUR life, etc.

“After this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2 Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin. And it was improper for Amnon to do anything to her” - 2 Samuel 13:1-2 (NKJV).

Amnon was the firstborn son of King David, the rightful heir to the throne of Israel. He lived in the palace and had everything anyone could ever need. He had the reputation of a royal, and with his family was admired by the masses. His bright future was assured by his royal lineage. But behind the image Amnon was a fraud! Amnon had a deep dark secret that he was unsuccessfully trying to deal with. He was consumed with lust for his own half-sister Tamar. He couldn’t court her because such a relationship was forbidden by God’s law, but he had entertained the notion secretly until it occupied his thoughts day and night.

Amnon didn’t realize that he was already ensnared in the dreaded cycle of sin. “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death” - James 1:14-15 (KJV).

Amnon thought that just because everything still appeared right on the outside, he was doing okay. His name meant “faithful”, but he was only being faithful outwardly where everyone could see it. Inwardly, he was being unfaithful to his father, to his family, to himself and to his God. He wasn’t guilty of sin because he had struggles (everyone has struggles!), but because he wasn’t being honest about his struggles before God. There is probably nothing more ridiculous in human nature than our attempts to “hide” from God who can read our every thought!

Technically, Amnon had not yet fallen into sin, but he was hanging above the pit of disaster by a very slender thread. All that was holding him back was his “royal reputation” – he knew that he could not risk publicly what he thought about privately. By himself, perhaps Amnon would have never acted out his lustful fantasies. Perhaps his desire not to soil his reputation, his knowledge that his desire was wrong before God, and the warning voice of his conscience would have been enough to hold him back for a few years until Tamar was married and beyond his reach.

THE GENESIS OF A HABIT

Sow a THOUGHT; you reap an ACT
Sow an ACT; reap a HABIT
Sow a HABIT; reap a CHARACTER
Sow a CHARACTER; reap a DESTINY

 

HOW DOES SIN DEVELOP?
THE FIRST STAGE IS TEMPTATION. 

In James 1:14, we see that temptation includes two things:
 a. DESIRE (some translations say "lust”, suggesting a strong desire for something)
 b. ENTICEMENT (an opportunity and encouragement to satisfy the desire)

Putting it in the form of a simple equation: TEMPTATION = DESIRE + OPPORTUNITY

It is not a sin to be "tempted” for Jesus Himself was tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Hebrews 4:15, “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” The writer to the Hebrews went on to say, “For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted” - Hebrews 2:18. The New Living Translation of the this verse is rendered, “Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.”

BUT AMNON HAD A FRIEND!

“ 3 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 So Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand’”” - 2 Samuel 13:3-5 (NKJV).

Jonadab was the nephew of King David and cousin to Amnon. He hung around with the royal family, but he was not in line for the throne. The Bible says that he was a very subtle or conniving man. His name meant “Jehovah gives” and he made a mockery out of its meaning by convincing his friend Amnon that God would allow him to sin and get by, that God would “give” him his desire even though it was wrong. 

“6 Then Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” 7 And David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Now go to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was lying down. Then she took flour and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and placed them out before him, but he refused to eat. Then Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from me.” And they all went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. 11 Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! 13 And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her” - 2 Samuel 13:6-14 (NKJV).

Under the influence of Jonadab, Amnon carried out a wicked plan to rape his own half-sister. He shamed her, he shamed himself, he shamed his father, and he shamed his whole family. Through his selfishness, he scarred Tamar for the rest of her life. By himself, perhaps Amnon could have held out a little longer against temptation. BUT AMNON HAD A FRIEND!

“15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!” 16 So she said to him, “No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. 17 Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, “Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her.” 18 Now she had on a robe of many colors, for the king’s virgin daughters wore such apparel. And his servant put her out and bolted the door behind her. 19 Then Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly. 20 And Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house” – 2 Samuel 13:15-20 (NKJV).

 

Amnon also unknowingly destroyed himself because Tamar’s brother Absalom would eventually seek revenge and kill him. 

“22 And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. 23 And it came to pass, after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim; so Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 Then Absalom came to the king and said, “Kindly note, your servant has sheepshearers; please, let the king and his servants go with your servant.” 25 But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you.” Then he urged him, but he would not go; and he blessed him. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom urged him; so he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. 28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, “Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon!’ then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.” 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled” – 2 Samuel 13:22-29.


Meanwhile, the crafty Jonadab walked away unscathed by the whole despicable situation. The Bible records that he is still lurking about the palace when Amnon is killed by Absalom; in fact, it is Jonadab that brings the news of his death to King David! 

“30 And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to David, saying, “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left!” 31 So the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered and said, “Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore, let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king’s sons are dead. For only Amnon is dead” – 2 Samuel 13:30-33 (NKJV).

What a “friend” he was! In 1 Corinthians 15:33 we read, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” The New International Version of this verse says, “Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

Talk to anyone who has fallen into destructive lifestyles and sinful habits, and most times you’ll find that their demise was because of their “friend!” 

  • When did you first start doing drugs? I had a friend …
  • When did you take your first drink? I had a friend …
  • When did you start smoking? I had a friend …
  • When did you first look at pornography? I had a friend …
  • When did you begin cheating on your spouse? I had a friend …
  • When did you stop listening to your pastor? I had a friend …
  • When did you drop your holiness convictions? I had a friend …
  • When did you first slack off in your prayer life? I had a friend …

It is said, “SHOW ME YOUR FRIENDS AND I’LL SHOW YOU YOUR FUTURE!” We read in Proverbs 13:20, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise (PROMISE): but a companion of fools shall be destroyed (WARNING).”

SOME GUARDRAIL WARNING SIGNS:

  • When it dawns on you that your core group isn't moving in the direction you want your life to move, you’re too close to the edge!
  • When you catch yourself pretending to be someone you're not when you're around your friends, you’re too close to the edge!
  • When you feel pressure to compromise (when what has never been a temptation before suddenly becomes an option for consideration), you’re too close to the edge!
  • When you hear yourself saying, "I'll go, but I won't participate" (you're hanging out in the proximity of sin), you’re too close to the edge!
  • When you hope the people who care about you the most don't find out what you’re doing, you’re too close to the edge!
     

NEVER CONFUSE COMPASSION WITH WISDOM! 
Compassion will never require you to make an unwise decision.  Drawing back from some relationships may be the best thing you could ever do for them. God is calling you back to safety because He loves you! Think about where you will end up if you maintain this friendship!

 

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