Nine Secrets of Healthy Relationships - Kindness

Name of Assembly: United Apostolic Church 
Type of service: Bible study
Date: August 15th & 22nd, 2023
Teacher: Pastor Leon J. Gordon
Topic: NINE SECRETS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 
Lesson 6: Kindness

Scripture Text:    

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”  Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV)

“But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law” - Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT).

INTRODUCTION:

Why are we talking about relationships? Remember the lawyer in Scripture who came to Jesus with a question? Jesus’ answer to him summarized the essence of real Christianity:

• “36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” - Matthew 22:36-39.
• “25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life? 26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou? 27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself. 28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live” – St. Luke 10:25-28.

While I am confident that you are all aware of the proper sequence, I want to remind you of Matthew 10:37, “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” The disciple is a follower of Christ whose love for Him is greater, by far, than all other loves. When a clash of loyalties arises on this point the disciples’ love for Christ will cause him to choose Jesus again and again.

Jesus was saying that nothing matters more than relationships – our relationship with Him and our relationships with other people. We will never be truly happy until we get this area in order! 

In relationships, there is a word for love in action, and it's called KINDNESS. It's not a feeling, it’s something you do. When you are kind you take action, and you show love in a practical way. The KJV says “gentleness,” but the Greek word is “CHRESTOS,” which also means “goodness in action, sweetness of disposition, gentleness in dealing with others, benevolence, kindness, affability; the ability to act for the welfare of those taxing your patience.”

The Bible teaches us that God took on a body of flesh to come to earth and die so our sins could be forgiven was the ultimate act of kindness: 

• Titus 3:3-7, “ 3 For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. 4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, 5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; 6 Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; 7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

We want to talk about four ways that God shows His kindness to us. And once we understand how Jesus is kind to us, then we will know how to be kind to others that we are in a relationship with. Whatever Jesus has done for us, we are to do for others!

HOW GOD IS KIND TO ME

1)    He Understands My Weakness

• Understanding and kindness go together. The more understanding we are of a person, the kinder we’re going to be to them. That is why it is easy for us to be unkind or unresponsive to a stranger’s needs. However, when we understand somebody we will be kind to them because we know where they're coming from. 
• “Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help” - Hebrews 4:15-16 (CEV)
• Jesus isn't shocked when you are tempted when you struggle or when you miss the mark. He's not shocked, and He doesn't think less of you. Why? Because He's been there, “he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin.”  When you go through a weakness or a problem you want to be with somebody who understands what you're going through. Jesus says, “I've been there. I understand perfectly well.” 
• It's not a sin to be tempted. It's a sin to GIVE IN to temptation. Jesus was tempted, but He never gave in. That’s why He has the power to help us GET OUT of temptation. 
• What does this have to say about how we should be kind to other people? “Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ” - Galatians 6:1-2 (NLT). 
• The first way to be kind is: BE GENTLE, NOT JUDGMENTAL! When people are having a tough time, dealing with issues, having problems, being overcome with weaknesses, or being tempted, be gentle with them. Why? Because God is gentle and kind to you. He understands your weaknesses and you're to be understanding of the weaknesses of others. That's kindness.

2)    He Tells Me the Truth

• Jesus loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way. So, He tells you the truth! Why? Because it is the truth that sets you free! “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” - John 8:32. 
• We don’t like to hear the truth about ourselves. Jamie Buckingham once wrote a book called, “The Truth Will Set You Free, But First It Will Make You Miserable.” We would prefer to hear just the good stuff about ourselves, but because Jesus is kind, He levels with us and tells us the truth about how we think, how we act, where we go, who we associate with, how we talk, how we dress, how we live! 
• The Bible never glosses over the weaknesses of its heroes! Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for somebody is tell them the truth. Progress and growth come because of feedback. Since none of us is perfect we all need to be corrected. We all need somebody who'll level with us. 
• Jesus tells us the truth in kindness, and He wants you to tell other people the truth in kindness. The way you can be kind is by caring enough to confront, to tell the truth. “Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]” - Ephesians 4:15 (AMP).
• One survey in California discovered that the number one thing people want in a friend is HONESTY. Almost all “friendship surveys” put honesty in the top five! And the Bible agrees! “Giving an honest answer is a sign of true friendship.” - Proverbs 24:26 (CEV).  A real friend tells you when you're making a mistake. A real friend says, “I'm not going to stand by in silence and watch you make the stupidest decision of your life.” 

3)    He Forgives My Sin    

• God is forgiving and gracious toward us because of His kindness! A lot of people have a wrong concept of God.
• Story – A man who was going out to his cabin by the lake. As he was driving, he ran out of gas. He got out of his car to push it off the road and as he got out another car came behind him and hit his car, pushed it off an embankment, and drove off. He decided he'd just walk to his cabin, but it started pouring rain. He got totally drenched and caught a cold. Then, just as he rounded the bend to his cabin, he noticed that lightning had struck it and it had burned down. He went over and started beating his head against a tree saying, “Why me God? Why me God?” The heavens opened, the clouds parted, and a voice said, “Because some people just tick me off!”
• Some people think that's what God is really like. They think that God is out to get them. When something goes wrong in your life, do you think, “God’s getting even with me”? Have you ever thought that maybe some of your ideas about God aren't true? 
• One of the things the Bible teaches is that God doesn't carry a grudge. He is not the God of shame. He forgives my sins. Why? Because I deserve it? No, because of His grace! 
• “7 For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. 8 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer” - Isaiah 54:7-8. 
• What does God’s forgiveness have to do with the way I'm supposed to treat other people? Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” 
• If you have a tough time being forgiving, it's probably because you don't feel forgiven. Graced people are gracious people. People who have received God's mercy are able to be merciful to others. People who understand how much they've been forgiven find it easy to forgive others. That’s kindness!

4)    He Affirms My Worth

• Deep inside all of us is a deep desire to feel worthwhile. We all want to feel significant. We all want to feel that we matter. We all want to feel that if we were to die, somebody would miss us. 
• You spend much of your life being motivated to do things that you hope will answer the question, “Does my life matter?” That’s why we compete, volunteer, work, give, etc. 
• In a magazine interview, Madonna said, “I have an iron will and all of my will has always been devoted to conquering some horrible feeling of inadequacy. I'm always struggling with that fear. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being and then I get to another stage and I think I'm mediocre and uninteresting. I find a way to get myself out of that again and again. My drive in life is from this horrible fear of being inadequate and mediocre. It is always pushing me and pushing me. Because even though I've become somebody I still have to prove that I am SOMEBODY. My struggle has never ended and it probably never will." Madonna set herself up for the ultimate frustration because every star’s popularity eventually fades! 
• The truth is that nothing else matters until you've established a relationship with Jesus Christ and begin to discover how much you matter to Him and base your self-worth on that. Nothing else is going to satisfy you. Psalm 139:16-17 (TLB), “ You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book! How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly!”
• Psychologists say that your self-worth is based on what you think the most important person in your life thinks about you. I suggest that you make Jesus Christ the most important person in your life because nobody is ever going to love you more than He does. If you base your self-worth on what other people think of you, then you're going to collapse when you're criticized, rejected, or ignored. But if you build your self-worth on the fact that God made you, loves you, thinks about you constantly, loves you unconditionally and forgives you, then it doesn't matter what anybody else says about you because they can't take away that relationship with Christ. 
• When Jesus Christ becomes the most important person in your life, your self worth soars. And as a result, you affirm the worth of others. Romans 15:7 (NLT) says, “So accept each other just as Christ has accepted you; then God will be glorified.”
• Hebrews 10:24 (TLB), “In response to all he has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good.” If you have trouble affirming the worth of others, if you have trouble forgiving others, if you have trouble being kind to others, then look at your relationship with God! You need the Holy Ghost to grow the Fruit of the Spirit in your life!
• By the way, the kindness of God is just getting started … it is good now, but it gets even better in eternity! Ephesians 2:7 says, “That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.”