Nine Secrets of Healthy Relationships - Patience

Name of Assembly: United Apostolic Church 
Type of service: Bible study
Date: August 8th & 15th, 2023
Teacher: Pastor Leon J. Gordon
Topic: NINE SECRETS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 
Lesson 5: Patience

Scripture Text:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”  Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV)

INTRODUCTION:

The Fruit of the Spirit is the God-enabled ability to have “Christlike reactions” to the people and circumstances of our lives. 

For example: 

a.    Love is the Christlike reaction to disagreeable people. 
b.    Joy is the Christlike reaction to depressing circumstances. 
c.    Peace is the Christlike reaction to distressing anxieties. 
d.    Patience is the Christlike reaction to difficult situations.

We sometimes think of “patience” as simply being willing to wait, and that is certainly not a bad trait. To hurry is possibly one of the greatest enemies of our spiritual life. It has destroyed countless souls and has the potential to destroy our souls too if we fail to obey Psalm 27:14, “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” 

North Americans are often guilty of what Psychologists call “polyphasic activity,” or doing multiple things at the same time because we’re in such a hurry! But God is never in a hurry – He has everything under control!

However, the word “patience” as it is used in the New Testament is not just the state of “waiting” or “not hurrying.” Patience is much more. The word “patience” is sometimes translated as “longsuffering” in the KJV. Patience is the powerful capacity of suffering long under adversity; it is the noble ability to bear with either difficult people or adverse circumstances without breaking down; it is the characteristic of tolerance for the intolerable; it is a generous willingness to try to understand the awkward people or disturbing events that God allows to enter our lives; and most of all, it is the powerful attribute of remaining steadfast under strain.

There are two Greek words that are translated as “patience” in our Bible; they are very similar, with just a slightly different emphasis: 

1.    HUPOMONE 

• “hupo” – “under” / “mone” – “abide”
• This word expresses the idea of being “under” a burden for a long time without succumbing to suffering, and without becoming fearful or despondent, all the while “abiding” (not changing) in the face of pressure. 
• This is a word picture of a beast of burden remaining steadily under control as it does heavy, strenuous work for its master without complaint.  

2.    MAKROTHUMOS 

• “makro” – “long” / “thumos” – “anger” 
• This word expresses the idea of anger taking a very long time to build before it is expressed, and being under strict control when or if it is ever expressed. 
• This is the exact opposite of being “short tempered.” It is not denying that anger exists, but rather expressing it with restraint and without revenge.

From these, we can see that what is required is not just patience, but extreme patience.

• The key word here is extreme.
• Extreme goes beyond where normal and logical ends.
• Peter Marshall, noted author and minister, said, “Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work.”

We have grown accustomed to hearing about angry, out-of-control people in the news, but God has a better way for us to deal with our disappointments, frustrations, and difficulties! It’s called the power of the Holy Ghost, producing the Fruit of the Spirit in our lives! 

This aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit called PATIENCE is really the supernatural ability to deal with ongoing suffering and frustration without succumbing to ANGER against God or against one other. 

Since we can’t talk about patience without talking about anger, let’s talk about:

HOW TO HANDLE ANGER

1)    Realize the Cost of Uncontrolled Anger

• ANGER is simply a strong emotion of displeasure arising from a feeling of injury. ANGER IS NOT SINFUL IN AND OF ITSELF, for the Bible tells us that God can become angry and even gives us permission to be angry WITHOUT SINNING. 
• “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” - Ephesians 4:26.
• But anger must be controlled! And you can’t control it once the adrenalin rush kicks in! You must control anger IN ADVANCE. 
• Some dictionaries point out that the old English word “anger” originally meant “to choke” or “to strangle.” Sometimes, this is what we would like to do to someone else because of our anger! 
• However, we need to remember that this is what anger does to us! On the one hand, anger releases a rush of adrenaline that makes you feel powerful and can even temporarily overwhelm pain; but on the other hand, unresolved anger can literally strangle you inside. 
• Many studies have shown that consistently angry people are vulnerable to physical problems like ulcers, high blood pressure, heart attack, colitis, arthritis, kidney stones, and gall-bladder trouble – over 50 major illnesses in all! According to doctors, such inner tension accounts for 60 to 85% of all sicknesses today! When you “swallow your feelings,” your stomach keeps score! 
• Whether anger is expressed through words and behavior or repressed through denial and internalizing, it is still damaging. Depression is defined as “anger turned inward,” and though it is bottled up for a time, it eventually will blow up in aggression. 
• ANGER ANNIHILATES NORMAL HUMAN RESPONSES! And the physical damage caused by anger is only exceeded by the spiritual harm it causes. UNRESTRAINED ANGER IS SIN! 
• “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left” - Proverbs 11:29 (TLB). There’s always a price tag when you get angry! Anger destroys relationships.

2)    Reflect before Reacting

• “He that is SLOW TO ANGER is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” - Proverbs 16:32. 
• “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, SLOW TO WRATH: 20For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” - James 1:19-20.
• BUT I HAVE RIGHTS, TOO! Patience is our defense against the frequent minor frustrations of life. Selfish, immature individuals who give themselves too many rights are constantly plagued with anger, since so many of their ‘rights’ are violated. Giving up those rights to God and expecting fewer things to be perfect will result in less anger, and greater joy in life.
• “A stupid man gives free reign to his anger; a wise man waits and lets it grow cool” - Proverbs 29:11 (TLB)  
• Anger delayed gives it time to cool down. Thomas Jefferson said, "When you're angry you count to 10 and when you're very angry, count to 100." Why? The longer you hold your temper, the more it improves. Remember: think before you speak! 
• Remember that anger is always the SECOND emotion in any experience. If you can reflect long enough to figure out the first emotion, you can deal effectively with the situation!

3)    Release Your Anger Appropriately

• “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin” - Ephesians 4:26 (GN). 
• Being patient does not mean denying your anger! It means releasing it properly. Most people tend to release their anger in ways that take them farther from their goal than they were before they got angry! 
• We are all irritated by different things, and we all release our anger in different ways. Some people are skunks – everyone knows when they are upset. Others are turtles – they just pull back into their shell. 
• There are four possible ways to respond to anger. Three are wrong!
  i.    REPRESS it (holding the resentment inside) 
  ii.    SUPPRESS it (pretending the resentment doesn’t exist) (most people who say they are depressed are really angry, either repressing or suppressing their anger) 
  iii.    EXPRESS it (uncontrolled negative reactions) (just because you don’t blow up doesn’t mean you’re not expressing your anger – that’s why there are pouters, manipulators, cynics, addicts, etc.) 
  iv.    CONFESS it (ask for God’s help!)
• “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” - 1 John 1:9.

4)    Repattern Your Mind

• “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is” - Romans 12:2 (NLT). 
• God knows His own creation! We need both “abiding under” (hupomone) patience and “long anger” (macrothumos) patience, or life will make us perpetually angry about something! 
• Long-term change in the heart of man does not happen through resolutions, promises, or self-help techniques. It can only happen through the power of the Holy Ghost! Nothing else can transform the way you think and act! 
• The Holy Ghost helps you control your anger by dealing with the root cause – the real reason you are angry. Jesus can replace your hurt, your pain, your frustration, your fear, your rejection, and your insecurity, with His love. The Holy Ghost helps you control your anger by replacing it with the Fruit of the Spirit called PATIENCE! 
• “May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other—each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other” - Romans 15:5 (NLT).
• “We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need” - Colossians 1:11 (NLT).

WE NEED PATIENCE IN THREE AREAS OF OUR LIVES:

A.    We need to have patience with ourselves.

1.    St. Francis de Sales said, “Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.”
2.    One aspect of the fruit builds upon another.

a.    We need to consider that kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness flow out of patience.
b.    In other words, it would be a struggle to be any of those without the aspect of patience in our lives. Colossians 3:12 (KJV) says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

o    This scripture instructs us as to how we are to clothe our life and spirit.
o    When people look at those things in our life that define us, they should see patience.
o    An ancient Chinese proverb states, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow.”

3.    Luke 8:15, “But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience.” (KJV)

a)    When we have prepared our hearts to receive the Word, as good ground receives the seed, it will take patience to see the harvest come to pass.
b)    This harvest is in our own lives.  It is a harvest of those things that are necessary for spiritual maturity.
c)    If we get frustrated with ourselves, the seed never takes root and will die.
d)    Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, wrote, “Be patient with yourself.  Self-growth is tender; it’s Holy ground.  There’s no greater investment.”

4.    Since God is patient with us, we need to be patient with ourselves.

a)    The process that is at work in our lives will not be completed overnight, so we need to be patient with ourselves.
b)    This in no way means that we should be complacent.
c)    We must be accepting of who we are while also striving to become all that God has called us to be.  

5.    Having patience with ourselves will bring maturity into our walk with God.
James 1:4, “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (KJV)

6.    Understanding that God is in control of your life will help you to become more patient with yourself.  Philippians 1:6, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” (KJV)

a)    God didn’t start the process in you to let you fail at this point.
b)    If you will be patient and trust Him, He will complete any and every good work that He has begun in you.

7.    Without patience with ourselves, we will not receive the reward.

a)    Paul the Apostle said it like this, “Let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”  Hebrews 12:1(KJV).
b)  “That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises” - Hebrews 6:12.

B.    We need to have patience with others:

1.    It is no secret that if we live life we are surrounded by people. And if we are to be a vital part of the Church, we are going to be constantly interacting with people.

2.    People take a lot of patience:  Don’t ever forget that we have all been the recipient of incredible patience in our own lives.

3.    The Apostle Paul well understood the challenges of working with other people and addressed this in his writings. To the Church in Rome he wrote, “For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.  Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus:” Romans 15:4-5

i.    He first reminds us that with patience the scripture will teach and affirm in us the hope that we have.
ii.    He then instructs us to realize that the fellow saints around us are looking for that same hope and that we should be likeminded, or patient with one another.

4.    James stated in his writings, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”

a)    Hearing, speaking, and reacting have everything to do with how we respond to others.
b)    Patience, although at times difficult, will always be the best response.
c)    Remember, the person that needs your patience and love the most deserves it the least.

5.    Patience with people can be learned and developed.

a)    Simon Peter, at the beginning of his ministry, was incredibly impatient with people.
b)    However, he also spoke of patience with others in his writings years later.
c)    I Peter 2:19-20, “For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.  For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently?  But if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.”  (KJV)

i.    He had learned from experience that many times people accuse and malign you falsely.
ii.    His experience, which he is now passing on to the Church, is to endure with patience.

6.    Patience with others is made much easier when you separate people from their problems.

a)    When we learn to love the person in spite of the problems and faults that they have then we know that patience is at work in our lives.
b)    When we do so we are doing no more than what Jesus Christ did for us.

i.    Romans 5:8, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (KJV)

7.    Egg Analogy

a)    People are really a lot like an egg.

i.    Inside of them is great potential for new life and growth.
ii.    We can either help or hinder their progress by our response to them.
iii.    Every day that we encounter them we are given the opportunity to hold them in our hands.
iv.    When they become difficult and unruly, we have the chance to incubate them until the hard shell breaks and new life comes forth.
v.    Or, in our impatience, we can crush them and never see what might have been.
vi.    Let us never forget that it is because of people that chose to patiently incubate us and not crush us, that we are where we are today.

C.    We need to have patience with God:

1.    For many people this is as much a struggle as having patience with themselves and with others.

2.    The same microwave society that we live in has inbred in us a mindset that God needs to react to our situation immediately, if not sooner.

3.  Noted minister, Bill Gothard, defines patience this way:  “Accepting a difficult situation without giving God a deadline to remove it.”

4.    Patience understands that God has a plan and purpose in everything that He does in your life.

5.    Having patience with God means that we resign ourselves to His will.

a)    No better example is given in the Word of God of this than in the life of Jesus Christ. “39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. 42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done. 44 And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words” – St. Matthew 26:39, 42; 44.

6.    God’s timing, although not our timing, is perfect.

a)    God is not on H.S.T. (Human Standard Time), but He is always on G.P.T. (God’s Perfect Time).

7.    Realise that God always answers our prayers.

a)    Sometimes the answer is a very resounding NO!
b)    At other times, it is a resounding YES!
c)    But then there are those times when the answer is “ wait-a-while.”

8.    God uses patience to teach us His ways.

a)    Romans 15:4-5, “For whatever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we, through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.  Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus.”

i.    Notice in this verse that Paul refers to God as “the God of patience.”
ii.    Understanding that He is the God of patience will make it much easier not to get frustrated with Him.

b)    “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience, and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”  Romans 5:3-5 (KJV)

i.    He intentionally sends tribulation our way knowing that it makes us develop patience.
ii.    He does so knowing that patience, if allowed to work, ultimately gives us hope.

Closing Illustration: Poem - The Oyster – Anonymous 

There once was an oyster whose story I'll tell 
Who found that some sand had slipped under his shell.
Just one little grain - but it gave him much pain 
For oysters have feelings -although they're quite plain.

Now did he berate the working of fate -
Which had led him to such a deplorable state?
No! He said to himself, as he lay on the shelf,
"If I can't remove it -I'll try to improve it."

So, the years rolled by as years always do,
And he came to ultimate destiny --stew!
But the small grain of sand which had bothered him so -
Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.

Now this tale has a moral for isn't it grand -
What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?
What couldn't we do if we'd only begin
To enrich all those things that get under our skin.