“21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” – St. Matthew 18:21-35.

14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses”– St. Matthew 6:14-15.

INTRODUCTION

C.S. Lewis observed, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive.” If you’ve spent any time in church at all, you realize the importance of forgiveness. You know that it is a biblical concept, you’ve read verses like our text, and you may even have been warned about the physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences of unforgiveness.

You are no doubt genuinely grateful for a God who was willing to take on human form and die an excruciating death so YOUR sins could be forgiven. Why then, is there such a discrepancy between our understanding of forgiveness and our willingness to grant it to others?

The issue of forgiveness touches each of us every day. Occasionally, it’s a major crisis that forces us to choose between forgiveness and unforgiveness (i.e. an unfaithful spouse, an unwanted divorce, an unfair termination from your job, sexual abuse you experienced as a child, a slanderous rumor that has cost you your reputation). But most of the time it is lesser offenses that we must deal with (i.e. being overlooked by a friend, a strong disagreement with a loved one).

Regardless of the size of the offense, Forgiveness is not usually the preferred response!

WHY DO WE FIND IT SO DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE OTHERS?

One of the main reasons why we find it so hard to forgive is because we don’t fully understand what forgiveness is and what it is not.

A survey by Barna Research Group conducted in July/August 1999 illustrates the depth of misunderstanding that surrounds the subject of forgiveness.

The following statements were posed to the respondents for them to agree or disagree:

1. You cannot honestly forgive someone unless that person shows some remorse for what they did. (62% agreed)

2. If you really forgive someone, you will want that person to be released from the consequences of their actions. (60% agreed)

3. If you have really forgiven someone, you should be able to forget what they have done to you. (66% agreed)

The biblical perspective is that each of these statements is WRONG! However, only 4% of respondents gave the biblical response to all the questions.

These three myths identified above confuse the issue of forgiveness for many people and so we will look closely at these in an upcoming lesson because as Christians, we must have a clear biblical viewpoint about an issue as crucial as forgiveness!

DEFINING FORGIVENESS

Before we define the word biblically, let us state what forgiveness is NOT:

1. It is not denying the reality of your pain.

2. It is not letting your offender off the hook.

3. It is not blaming you, the victim.

4. It is not unfair. (God cannot do anything unfair!)

  • Romans 9:14 (AMP), “What shall we conclude then? Is there injustice upon God’s part? Certainly not! “

The Greek word translated as “forgive” carries the idea of a release from some type of obligation, most commonly a financial obligation. That is how Jesus most often illustrated the concept of forgiveness.

Luke 7:41-42 (NLT) 41 Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. 42 But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

The moneylender chose to RELEASE both debtors from their very real obligations – the money owed was not a figment of his imagination!

  • He had a legal right to be repaid – he was the innocent party.
  • The borrowers had a legal obligation to pay.
  • There was a deficit between their debt and their resources.

The rule of accounting said that the books had to be balanced! The greatest misunderstanding about forgiveness is that it is simply overlooking someone else’s transgression. The truth of the matter is that someone must pay because an offense always creates an obligation that must be satisfied.

ILLUSTRATION:

Someone rear-ends your car at a stoplight, and when you get out you take one look and know it is going to cost a lot of money to repair the damage. You are standing there fuming when a little old lady gets out of the other car and begins to weep. Between sobs, she tells you that she is a retired missionary who has limited resources and no insurance. You tell her to forget it, that you will take care of the damage.

The next day when you take the car to the mechanic and he hands you a $3000 estimate, who is going to pay for the repairs? YOU ARE! You let the other driver off the hook! The offense created an obligation that must be satisfied, but there was a deficit between her obligation to pay and her resources to pay. However, the deficit did not just evaporate into thin air – you decided to cover it YOURSELF.

This is the essence of forgiveness! When we forgive ...

  • We acknowledge that a wrong has occurred.
  • We recognize that there is an obligation for repayment.
  • We CHOOSE to release our offender from that obligation and to cover the loss ourselves.

ARGUMENTS FOR AND AGAINST FORGIVENESS

Let’s put forgiveness itself on trial and weigh the evidence for and against it. Are there legitimate reasons why I should not forgive?

There are at least 4 main reasons why people say that they shouldn’t forgive:

1. Forgiveness denies the seriousness of sin.

Many people believe that by forgiving, they are denying the severity of an offense and that it feels like we are saying that the offender’s wrong does not matter. Now, it is important to note that some offenses are so petty that we should overlook them.

  • A forgotten birthday, an interrupted sentence, and an unreturned phone call are examples of this.

The Bible certainly supports this viewpoint:

  • “Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” - Proverbs 17:14 (NLT).
  • “People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs” - Proverbs 19:11 (NLT).

Solomon is telling us that a wise person does not make a federal case out of every injury they experience in life. This is not to say that even small slights are not painful.

But what about major offenses? They should not be overlooked, should they? Is it possible to even treat every offense the same way? It is not humanly comprehensible that something as serious as childhood sexual abuse could be compared to something as trivial as a sarcastic remark from a coworker! How could God possibly expect us to treat them the same?

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT TRIVIALIZE OUR PAIN, JUST AS GOD DOES NOT TRIVIALIZE OUR SIN!

Some people believe that when God forgives our sins, He overlooks our sins, but that is not what the Bible teaches!

“The Lord is slow to get angry, but his power is great, and he never lets the guilty go unpunished” - Nahum 1:3 (NLT).

God’s mercy cannot override His holiness! He does not casually declare that sinners are suddenly righteous and serious offenses are suddenly inconsequential. Our sinful offenses demanded payment ... and that is the reason why Jesus went to Calvary!

If a perfect God finds it impossible to just “overlook” sin against Him, how could He expect us to just “overlook” the serious hurts inflicted by others against us?

Sin creates an obligation – and someone must pay!

 

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